Too Much Angst

I was reading an article on Slate which said that people unconsciously use Facebook and other social networking sites as a way to compare their happiness with that of others. And the tendency is to overestimate the happiness and/or the sadness of others based on their posts. For instance, if someone shares that a pet has died, their sorrow is never quite as deep as others might assume, or so the study says. Likewise, if someone posts bright and happy news, it tends to make others feel less satisfied with their own lives.

Seems like we would all be happier if we didn’t feel the need to compare ourselves with everyone else. The truth is that no one knows the heart of another person. Only God can know. We might empathize. We might “feel their pain,” and “share in their joys,” but only God can know what’s really going on in someone’s soul.

The article made me think about my original blogs. I thought it might be interesting to others if I wrote prayers. These blogs would be prayer, not ABOUT prayer. My intent was to teach the nature of prayer, the language of God-human interaction; in large measure to provide a modern example of what the Biblical psalms already do so well. When the disciples begged Jesus, “Teach us to pray,” he did not give them a lecture, he gave them a prayer, “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name . . .” I guess I was trying to do the same thing in my own limited way.

Some weeks later I had a visit from a concerned member of my congregation. “I’ve been reading your blog and wondered if you were alright,” he said. “I wondered if you are going through a crisis of faith.”

Apparently my prayers-via-blog had triggered his concern. Because my prayers were personal, honest, and in some ways heart-wrenching, he overestimated my despair. I was doing no more than the psalmists themselves . . .

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul,
And have sorrow in my heart all day long?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? (Psalm 13:1-2)

What my friend failed to recognize is that as heart-wrenching as prayer can often be, such prayer does not necessarily reveal a crisis of faith but is rather an expression of faith. I was praying to God, after all, not talking to myself about God.

Maybe my friend had also overestimated my happiness, too, at other times. I don’t know. What I do know is that only God knows our hearts, and as much as I value my family and friendships with others, I know that only God can fully understand me, and so I pray – I spill my guts, I speak my anger, I tear my heart open, I plead, I beg, I sometimes bargain. But that doesn’t mean I’m having a crisis of faith. After all, who else but God can listen to all that?

And then, perhaps only then, prayer gives way to praise and thanksgiving – gratitude that there is One who hears the worst and the best in us and discerns the truth of who we really are.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You discern my thoughts from far away. (Psalm 139:1-2)