What's Proper?

At the family breakfast table as I was growing up I received daily exposure to Bible stories as well as frequent instructions on proper grammar.  These were so constant in nature that I came to (mistakenly) assume that proper speech was integral to Christian discipleship.  Only as I later went to seminary and began to process my faith through proper theological frameworks did I realize that mature faith and a literate mind were not necessary bed partners.  Still, what’s bred in the bone, as they say . . .

So, as an ode to my mother, here are some common mispronunciations which say nothing about your character as a human being, and has no bearing on your eternal destiny, but which would grate on my mother’s nerves…

“Irregardless,” is not a word.  Leave off the “Ir,” please.

“Nauseous,” is not how you feel when feeling queasy.  Instead, you are “nauseated.” 

One does not “lay” down, one “lies” down.  As my mother would say, “Chickens lay.  People lie,” unless it is past tense then, “I lay down yesterday, while the chickens laid eggs.”  Confused?  Welcome to the English language.

When you exaggerate you are using hy-per-bo-le (le as in “lee”) --- not hy-per-bole (bole as in “bowl”).

And former President Bush notwithstanding, the word is “nu-clear,” not “new-que-ler.”

“Often,” is often pronounced with a “t” sound, but the “t” should be silent.

And salmon is eaten without an “l” so try it, “sa-mon.”

And if you cannot remember these instructions you are not suffering from “Al-timer’s” disease, or “old-timer’s” disease, but you may want to be checked for “Alz – heimer’s.”

“You’re,” means “you are.” “Your,” means something belongs to you.

“It’s,” means “it is.”  “Its,” means something belongs to it.

“There,” is a place you may be going.

“They’re,” refers to persons who may be going with you (“they are”).

“Their,” means something belongs to them.

“Who’s,” means “who is,” as in “Who is going to the movies?”

“Whose,” means something belongs to somebody, as in “Whose popcorn is this?”

You might think I am being pedantic (look it up), and I probably am, but I mean this all in fun.  Accept (not except) my apologies if you are offended, but if you learned something that will serve you in the future, my mother, God rest her soul, would say “You’re welcome.”