Far from the Tree

          I have not read the book yet, but the title attracts me.  It is a work by Andrew Solomon entitled, Far From the Tree.  From reviews I have read, including an interview with the author, the book apparently deals with the expectations all parents have about who their children are going to be, and the disorientation that results when their children turn out to be different than they had anticipated.

          This is true for every parent.  We often envision our son or daughter fulfilling some shattered dream we had for ourselves --- if you are an academic, you might imagine your infant growing to become a Morehead scholar, setting the world ablaze with her insights or research.  If you are a shade tree mechanic, you may imagine hours spent together with your son, under the hood of a ’57 Chevy, extolling the virtues of polished chrome, or cubic inch displacement.  We often anticipate our children turning out to be a lot like ourselves.

          However, we are often surprised at how different our children turn out to be than we had imagined.  She turns out to be an average student.  He wants to be a dancer.  As parents, our dreams for them are sometimes disappointed, occasionally crushed, frequently requiring a reality check.  As the book’s title suggests, our children often fall “far from the tree,” that bore them.  This is especially true for parents of exceptional children --- children born differently-abled --- perhaps he is deaf, she is blind.  The athlete you anticipated arrives into the world with cerebral palsy.  The pianist you envisioned has Down’s syndrome.

          Some parents experience a period of grief as they come to terms with the dream versus the reality.  But what Andrew Solomon lifts up in his book is the discovery that many parents make, that there is great blessing to be discovered when we acknowledge and affirm the child that “is” rather than the child that we imagined.  In my own experience with parents who have raised, or are raising exceptional children, I have been encouraged to discover how they delight in their children, even with the special challenges their child may present. 

          As a Christian, I affirm the scriptural truth that we are all created in the image of God; an image that is not marred by physical deformity, or mental slowness.  There is a sense in which the voice of God speaks to us the same words that God spoke to Jesus at his baptism, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with whom I am well pleased.”  No matter how far from the tree we have fallen, we are precious in God’s sight, and there is that of God in us.    

          Perhaps to be made in the image of God is to be able to see blessing no matter in what guise it is hidden.