Torn-to-pieces-hood

I’ve been reading a book on spirituality unlike many other books on the subject. This spirituality arises out of the real-life experiences of alcoholics and their discovery of a way to live a sober life through the vehicle of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There is a ring of truth in many of the authors’ insights, but the one I’ve been thinking about is the notion of “torn-to-pieces-hood,” William James translation of the German word, zerrissenheit.

There is a recognition by all who participate in AA that each and every one is “torn to pieces,” and that perhaps the best thing we have to offer each other is our own story of “torn-to-pieces-hood.” To translate that language through the filter of Christian theology I would say, “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” But the words “sin,” and “God” carry so much baggage for some people, including Christians, that “torn-to-pieces-hood,” may be a good substitute which gets at the complexities of our human condition.

You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be torn to pieces. Maybe all of us have felt like Humpty-Dumpty, having “fallen short” and unable to put the pieces together again. The amazing thing is that there are those who have seen their lives fall apart either by their own choices or by external circumstances but have, seemingly miraculously, managed to get their lives back together again; scarred perhaps, but moving on. When we see their lives and hear their stories we experience something like hope, and develop something like faith – to believe that there might be enough grace in the world for our own torn-to-pieces-hood.

In a world where people tear each other to pieces, we all need a community where we hear stories of hope, and where we might discover a faith that will enable us to believe that a mended life, or an amended life, is possible. I think the church provides that opportunity for us. Even though many of us spend a lot of time in church pretending that everything in our lives is okay, there are opportunities within the life of the church to get beneath the façade; small groups of fellow spiritual pilgrims where pain may be bared, hospital visits where our mortality must be faced, worship experiences where the Word of God pierces to the heart.

I encourage you to find people with whom you can confess your own “torn-to-pieces-hood,” and to listen to stories of others who have, though scarred, managed to find their way. There is hope and grace enough for each one of us.

If interested in reading more on this subject, you may want to check out the following book by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham, The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning.

Some of you may wonder how a preacher, schooled in the Wesleyan theology of “perfecting grace,” could recommend a book entitled, The Spirituality of Imperfection. However, I am always quick to point out that what John Wesley meant by perfection is not the same thing we mean. Wesley did not mean we would be free of mistakes or failures. He simply believed that God’s grace was so great that it might be possible for that grace to be present in a person’s life, at least in their intentions.

I admit that my recent reading of Kurtz and Ketcham has made me question Wesley’s optimism. Nevertheless, I remind myself that Wesley’s optimism was not the result of confidence in human potential, but rather hope in God’s grace. Thus, in our torn-to-pieces-hood, it is not we who put ourselves back together, but God. And God, or in AA-speak, our Higher Power, usually puts us back together through the loving imperfections of others and their stories of recovery.

I can live with that. Indeed, I have lived with that for many decades now. That’s enough for this torn-to-pieces-but-patched-up preacher.