We begin our journey with some basic idea of where we are
headed. In my spiritual journey that
began in childhood. Learning the Bible
stories in a Christian environment, I was oriented toward Christ as the “pioneer
and perfecter of [my] faith (Hebrews 12:2).”
My journey was not a straight path as I sometimes ventured off the
proven trail from time to time, but I did not stray too far until my late
teens. By that time I began to chafe at
the disconnect between the faith of my childhood and my maturing
intellect. I began to question many
things I had been taught, eventually casting aside the particularity of
Christian spirituality.
I became disoriented.
I chose no particular spirituality whatsoever. I dabbled in atheism, but tend to think of
myself during that time as agnostic. I
simply wasn’t sure whether there was a God, and for a while I didn’t care. I had no plan, no direction, and no perception
of divine purpose. That seemed okay for
a while, but I eventually grew despondent and morose from my lack of
resolve. I think it is a basic human
need to find meaning, and I had none. I
was disoriented.
In my 20’s, I became reoriented through the simple
hospitality of people who welcomed me and my wife into a new community. They were Christians and their loving welcome
led me to relook at the spiritual path I had once been on. And, armed with a new spiritual hunger, I
began to read once again those Bible stories of my childhood faith, but with a
new capacity to read below the surface, to find that these stories were dealing
with the deeper questions of meaning – these stories were leading me to
consider what makes life really worth living.
And I became reoriented, and my path in life became clearer.
Since then I have had many periods of disorientation, and
have needed to be reoriented time and again.
I see the same pattern in Jesus’ life.
As Reuben Job puts it, “Jesus knew intensely personal communion with God
. . . But he was not immune to struggle, disappointment, or the sting of
rejection from friend and foe alike (Companions in Christ, Upper Room Books,
2006, p. 19).” We cannot possibly
comprehend the depth of abandonment that Jesus felt at Gethsemane or
Golgotha.
But in Jesus we see someone in whom we can identify
regarding our own periods of disorientation, and discover that such times do
not have to define our lives. The
resurrection is a witness that the ultimate meaning of our lives is not
controlled by the darkness but by light, not by despair but by hope, not by death
but by life.
We have all experienced the disillusionment of broken
promises, disappointment in people, and discouragement at not being able to
obtain our goals. Perhaps we have
despaired of the path we’re on when our ideal vision is not matched by the
reality of our experience. Such periods
of disorientation may actually prove helpful, as we then discover something
about ourselves and of God. Sometimes we
discover what God is NOT, and that may move us toward a more mature
understanding of who God IS. And in
doing so, we gain greater clarity on who we are. And we are reoriented toward that life which
is really worth living.
I pray you are on the path that leads to life. My path involves carrying a cross. It’s not easy. Sometimes it weighs heavy. But it feels truer with each step I have
taken. I hope you will join me.
