The Worth of Children

Sociologist Viviana Zelizer describes a dramatic change in American society’s perspective on children since the Second World War.  She writes that children have become “economically worthless but emotionally priceless.” Whereas, at the turn of the 20^th Century, parents had children as a “customary” or “economically necessary” expectation, today’s parents have children as an end in themselves and  “invest more emotional and financial capital in them than ever before.” (Sarah Boesveld, National Post, January 2014)

My father commented on this cultural change, remarking that when he was a child at a family dinner, the adults served themselves first, while the children came last.  “Now that I’m an adult,” he said with a laugh, “the children are served first and I’m still served last.” 

At my family gatherings, when there are toddlers about, we spend inordinate amounts of time watching their every move – they are the centers of attention, and they know it.  I suspect that my parents, with seven siblings each, rarely garnered such attention, and I furthermore suspect they were emotionally healthier as a result.  What I witness in so many parents these days borders on a kind of idolatry of childhood.  Children are considered precious, and as to idols of ancient days, parents make sacrifices not only for them, but to them as well. 

Instead of a child’s life revolving around her parent’s goals and ideals, the parent who idolizes their child allows the child’s preferences to rule - “What do you want to do, dear?” - thrusting upon children decisions they are not mature enough to make, allowing them freedoms the consequences of which they are not old enough to bear.  Loaded up with such out-sized expectations from the adults in their lives is it any wonder we have widespread drug and substance abuse among teens and pre-teens seeking to escape their parents’ worshipful expectations.  After all, they are children, not gods.

I think our children might be better off if we practiced a little more emotional detachment from them.  While we might esteem them as highly valuable, some casual disregard might serve them well.  Free from the idolatry of the adults in their lives, they might develop healthier egos.  We might give them more opportunities to prove their worth as did previous generations, so that they measure their value according to their accomplishments for, or contributions to the family unit, rather than simply in response to the unceasing but vacuous adoration of their parents.  I have known many a teacher who must deal with parents whose children can do no wrong.  Maybe it's time for children to eat last again.

What I’ve just written seems a little severe, even to me.  I think every child is of intrinsic value to God, apart from anything they do.  But I also think that many of us have confused our children as the subjects of our worship, and ultimately I think this is destructive to both the worshiped and the worshiper.  Jesus said something about “seeking first the kingdom of God.”  If we do so, then our children will drop a bit on our priority list, but that drop will be exactly where they need to be.  And they will not be worthless, and still priceless, in God’s sight.  And that’s what matters.